A different person, a (possibly) different blog
A few weeks ago my friend Reichel and I were wandering around the antiques fair when she made a confession: she is a little disappointed by how much my design style has changed. When I decorated my condo (obviously no longer my condo) I used a lot of bright colors. My wedding was really bright too. Lots of color isn’t Reichel’s style, so she lived vicariously through me.
Now I am into antique furniture and earth tones. My days of teal living rooms and orange kitchens feel like they’re from an entirely different life. Every room in my house is painted with a calm shade, and all of my furniture is a warm, aged brown. This was kind of a hard transition to make, even for me (I’ve honestly never agonized over paint colors before – how are there so many different shades of brown?!), but I feel at peace in my home now.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I suddenly realized that it’s not just my design sense that’s changed.I feel like a completely different person now. I’ve done a lot of personal work over the past couple of years, and as a result, I’m a more peaceful person. I no longer look to other people for approval. I’m more confident in my decisions. I no longer let other people make my decisions. In short, I’ve taken command of my life and I have become more of myself. I am far, far happier than I used to be.
It’s kind of strange to be blogging again, as this different person. I’m not sure what any of my readers expect at this point (though it feels a little arrogant to think you guys expect anything at all). But it’s not going to be the same as it was before. I’ll show you C’s room, but it ain’t gonna be no Big City Livin’ Big Girl room. C will likely never have another big birthday party (and not just because she would hateit—which she would—but because the idea of planning something like that exhausts me).
I have a whole long list of topics I want to write about and share with you guys, but every time I write something I get paranoid: “do I sound like a know-it-all?” or “will anyone even be interested in this?!” I have about 16 half-written blog posts.
To quell my paranoia, I think I need to make something clear before I go on: it’s going to be different now. In addition to having different interests, I am not able to be as open as I used to be. My current situation doesn’t allow me to talk about my struggles like I used to. And because being open is part of who I am, learning not to talk about those things is hard for me.
My other option, though, is to stay silent. And I really don’t want to do that. So let me just say, for once, that I am not perfect. But I won’t be able to give you real-life examples of the struggles that make me a very real person (which I am).
So instead of being silent, I’m going to share what has worked for me. I hope it never comes across as preachy, know-it-all-y, or boring. It will be different than it was before, but I hope you won’t mind.
Okay, I’m going to stop talking, and “start doing” now. :)