Stinkerpants

I’ve had half-written blog posts floating around in my head for weeks, but I haven’t written them because I can’t seem to form a coherent sentence. Why? Because I’m dumb now.

One of the things no one warned me about was how dumb motherhood makes you. Now, I don’t mean that I’m truly dumb, I just mean that my brain doesn’t quite function like it used to. I have trouble recalling words (I kid you not, a mom friend and I recently had a conversation in which neither of us could remember something really obvious. I’d tell you what that obvious thing was - just for the sake of a good laugh - but now I can’t remember it (of course)). I can’t keep thoughts in my head for longer than 45 seconds, I’m always leaving drawers open, and I constantly walk into rooms and forget why I’m there.

This is not to say that I haven’t always been kind of a dingbat. I have. But the level of dingbattedness is totally ridiculous now. I often have to read directions three times, and even then I still mess up whatever I was trying to do because I forgot something important.

What I really need is a giant whiteboard to float next to me at all times, so I can quickly write down whatever I’m thinking. It takes too long to add a reminder on my iphone. By the time I open the app, I’ve already forgotten whatever I needed to write down. Nope, the white board is the best solution. But of course it will need an attached pen, or I’ll leave it somewhere and never find it again.

Mom, I apologize for making fun of you for never knowing where your keys are. Or for leaving your coffee in the microwave. I now do both of those things, and I realize that it isn’t your fault. We’re dumb now.