The Post I’ve Been Avoiding

January 27, 2011 in Parenthood & Life • Being a WAHM • Running A Business • Running Stinkerpants

I have to admit, I have been avoiding writing this post. I know there are a lot of you out there who were like me 6 months ago: a small creative business owner who happens to be pregnant. Some of the comments on my previous posts have been along the lines of "thank you! You're giving me hope!" And so I haven't wanted to tell you how damn HARD it is to run a business and take care of a baby.

My initial plan was to take some time off. I figured a couple of months would be good. However, I didn't stop taking on projects when I should have because I still needed the income, especially because we just bought a house and spent a lot of money. And so I found myself, the week after Charlie was born, finishing up drawings. I haven't turned down any jobs, except for those who were on a serious time crunch (it's taking me 3x as long to finish things these days, so I've changed my workflow too, so I can still deliver on time). I put up a message on my website that I might be slow to respond to emails, but I still tried to respond within 24 hours.

The one thing I did stop doing was promoting myself. This ended up working well for me, because I got fewer inquiries and could handle the business I was bringing in. So instead of taking time off, I slowed down. Things were manageable, but not easy to say the very least. There were tears on more than one occasion. I'm not writing this as a woe-is-me sort of post, more like a "this is reality" post.

The difficulties were compounded by the fact that Charlie refused to sleep, starting at about 3.5 months. She went from sleeping 8 hour stretches at night to sleeping 3 hours at most. She didn't nap for longer than 30 minutes unless she was sleeping ON me. The only time I had to work was at night, after she went to sleep. But I was so tired that I was running myself ragged trying to get anything done. I was running on very little sleep and still only had about 2 hours per day of work time.

Things have gotten better in the past week, because we decided (reluctantly) to start sleep training. Charlie is now able to sooth herself back to sleep and thus is finally on a routine. She sleeps from 7pm - 7am with two feedings, and during the day naps from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours. I am better rested and have more time to work.

I am hoping that things will get easier as she continues to grow up. She can already entertain herself SO much more than she could before, so I'm often able to respond to a few quick emails while she plays with her toys on the floor for a few minutes. The other issue, though, is that my priority is obviously Charlie. While she CAN entertain herself for quite a while without being bored, I want her to have interaction with me and the world, and see new things. I don't want to keep giving her new toys so I can ignore her 5 minutes longer - I want to take her out for walks so she can experience the world beyond our front door.

The reason why I've been dreading writing this post is because I want you guys to be hopeful, and I don't want to scare the crap out of you. My business is not where it used to be, by any means. I am having to get creative about how I will continue to grow when I have far, far less time than I used to. The good news is that, slowly but surely, things get easier as they get older. In the beginning, she couldn't entertain herself at all, and she wasn't going to bed until 11pm. Things are a lot easier with a six-month-old than they were with a newborn, or even a three-month-old. But I have scaled things back quite a bit, and I am certainly not working full time.

I know a few of you had due dates not long after mine - how have you coped? Are you still out there? I know it's difficult to comment from your iPhone (that's how I read all of my blogs these days), but I'd love to hear from you. :)

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@Izumi - you're so nice! Thank you! I would love to hear what your experience is as you go through this, too. It isn't easy! @Amber - any tips?! I am sure taking her to work with you isn't easy. I know you recently made the decision to let your mom take her during the day. That must have been really difficult. I'm looking forward to reading on your blog about how it goes. @Jilian - Thank you! That's so nice of you! It is exhausting, isn't it?! I'm glad that he's such a good sleeper. But you're right, the benefits of being able to nurse & be there for him...well, it's just great, isn't it? I really like your point of having time that is TOTALLY dedicated to him, instead of a bunch of time where you're only partly paying attention. I will say, my life became much easier when she started to nap consistently. @Monica - man, do I ever understand this! I do think that's one benefit to working outside the home - you're able to dedicate that time to WORK and things definitely get DONE. @Botox - Thank you! @Ashley - Isn't it awful to be stuck inside?! I can't imagine what it's like in Atlanta, because the rainy days here are making me crazy, and we're lucky not to have *too* many of them. @Dana - I know, this is what worries me. At some point don't they go to school though?! hahaha. I think we're going to try a nanny share at some point. Also, we're hoping at some point that the business is big enough that I can hire someone(s) to help me out.
Posted by Sara • Stinkerpants on 2011-02-28 00:07:01 Yes, they get easier for a while, but it becomes hard again when they are 2,3 & 4. I thought I would be able to get more done as P & J got older and more independent....not the case as they required more of my attention (mommy come play with me, mommy I want a snack, mommy I need to go potty). Then the afternoon nap disappears and it becomes near impossible to send an email or take a phone call. Hence why I stopped working altogether when baby #3 arrived. Most people I know who work from home have a nanny or kid goes to daycare/preschool...at least part time.
Posted by Dana Miller on 2011-02-08 16:44:45 Grayson is 5 1/2 months and while I'm no longer trying to work from home, just finding time to get everything else done is incredibly exhausting. I'm pretty OCD about keeping our (way too big, if you ask me) house clean. Plus, next year I've decided to take on the task of going back to grad school so I can get certified to teach. I feel you on the guilt about plopping your baby in front of new toys to get a few more things done. Atlanta has had one of the most godawful winters that I can remember, and I'm dying to take him outside more once it warms up. I wish I could take walks every day, because he responds so well when I take him out on errands. Soon enough, though. You're doing a great job, Sara!
Posted by Ashley on 2011-02-08 10:05:11 People have no idea how hard it is to work and take care of a baby. Anybody can put their baby in a bouncer and let them play all day and work. But to be a good mom takes a lot more than that. It's so great that you want to cut back to stay with your daughter. I think that is so amazing and honorable. I just started working again, but my daughter is 18m and I am watching two other girls her age. Keeping the house clean is next to impossible while they are awake, and the only time I can tidy is when they are in their chairs eating! Working is sometimes necessary to survive, but if you can, stay with Charlie as much as possible. It's the most amazing experience to watch every first while not being immensely stressed out! Good luck!
Posted by botox on 2011-02-01 01:50:48 it definitely is harder to work from home and run your own business after having a baby. i took a year off from my full-time job and folks thought i had it so easy. they'd ask me, what do you do all day? had i only to been a stay-at-home mom, i'd still have had my hands full. having had our daughter at the height of the wedding season, i was alone often with the baby and still having to correspond to emails, set up contracts, schedule meetings/shoots,etc. i remember the day after we brought the baby home and having to bring her back to the hospital due to jaundice; i had to rush back home to put together a wedding itinerary for ed for the next day when i should have been with her and relaxing after the birth. it was exhausting! i would do the same as you and wait until the wee hours of the night/morning just to get an hour or two of work in. i would hate it! it got to the point that i actually missed working outside the home where i could focus on just one task at a time. i just felt too split down the middle. whether i was caring for/playing with the baby, i felt the pressure to finish up and get back to work. and if i was working, i felt guilty if i wasn't interacting with her or exhausted since i should be sleeping. now that i'm back at work outside the home, it's actually much easier for me to get things done for our business as i'll either come into work early or stay a bit late. and when i get home, i'm really "home." i see our daughter less but during the time we're together, i'm actually in the moment and enjoying what we're doing without stressing about the work that needs to be done. now, as for housework, that's a different story! i've just come to the conclusion that you can't have it all and that something's got to give, which is the chores, oftentimes! i don't feel so bad when most folks tell me that they didn't keep a tidy house until after the kids started school. =) good luck to you, sara! i'm sure you're managing just fine and both business and charlie will thrive!
Posted by monica on 2011-01-29 01:30:39 I've been wondering how 'working' was going! Thanks for sharing :) You are rocking it! Charlie is so loved and cared for. You've completely decorated/put together a brand new home. AND you've kept your business up. Total Inspiration. I'm very blessed that Warren has always been a great eater and sleeper. We have had a couple rough nights and some setbacks - but he's a rockstar. At 3 months I finally picked up a parenting book and read babywise to help with out setbacks :) But even with a good night sleep (for both of us) and 6hrs of naptime a day it is a STRUGGLE to get everything done. I can't even imagine if he wasn't napping. I work from home part time. 5hr/day - 25hr/wk. Finding balance is HARD. Working. Spending time with him. Laundry. Cooking. Hobbies. Family time in the evenings. etc. The only thing that keeps me a little sane is a plan. A strict plan. I get up a 6am and if I can work and hr or 2. I take about a 1.5 break in the morning to nurse/hang with Warren. Work again for 2 hrs when he naps. And so on. If I get distracted (Hello internet) during his nap and 'waste' that time it's really hard for me to catch up. Motivation and focus is key for me. And I'm NOT always good at that :) A good week is usually the result of me meal planning and shopping on Sunday. Plus I layout my work-out plan and ToDo (non work) goals for the week. Every morning I have my plan for the day and coordinate with hubs so I know when I'll get his help. It's taken me a while to get to this point - and let's just say the past two weeks are really the first two that have somewhat worked :) Some days I hear him get up and start fussing after a nap but I'm on a conference call for 15 more minutes. Some days I nurse him and then he gets to play in his exersaucer while I work. Some days he doesn't nap at all so I get no 'work' done and then feel I need to work all night/weekend and miss out on hubby time. I always feel guilty that 'someone/something' is not getting the attention it deserves. Some weeks this borders depression and I'm in a serious funk. This week has been pretty darn great. BUT. I get to nurse him for most meals. I get to put him down and pick him up for most naps. I get to smile at him and talk to him while I work and he plays. We get way more snuggle time than we'd get if he was in daycare. I try to enjoy every moment and not worry/focus too much on where I lack :) As he gets older - and doesn't nap as long - I fear this solution will just get harder. Rather than trying to do EVERYTHING and failing - my goal is to make sure Warren gets a couple hours of me TOTALLY DEVOTED to him - then I'll be able to feel less guilty during the times I'm working and he only gets part of my attention :) We'll see how that goes. Everything is a day at a time!
Posted by Jilian on 2011-01-28 17:36:06 Sara, I understand, complete with the sleep issues and trying to work with the baby beside you. While I don't work from home, I bring Piper with me. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You are doing everything you can! I also understand trying to parent and make a living, and I think it's awesome that you are taking it all in stride. Hey, always remember that babies get bored easily no matter their age, so it's normal for them to get all grumpy :). Yaaaay on the change in Sleep! None of the other methods worked for us either, it was a horrible experience but so worth it. Good luck to you that everything just gets easier!
Posted by Amber on 2011-01-28 00:40:16 You are STILL an inspiration, especially because you admit that it is difficult! I have 2 kids, 21 months and soon to be 5 months - both are girls. I work part-time from home doing graphic design (only about 12 hours a week) - so I can relate to you a lot! I too feel guilty when I leave my girls to play with toys, or leave my littlest in her exersaucer so I can get things done. My Grandma (who lives with us) says its good to let the babies cry and exercise their lungs, and I find that I use this excuse more than I should when I let her cry. =( As I'm typing this now, my baby is on the couch next to me laying down, watching my hands type. =/ I am in the middle of trying to start my own graphic design business from home to bring in more income, so I will be following your blogs and gleaning from you as much as possible. We can do it!
Posted by Izumi on 2011-01-28 00:07:26 Hey Nat! We tried three different methods (read = books) with sleep training. #1 was the "No Cry Sleep Solution." #2 was "the Baby Whisperer," and #3 was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Charlie didn't respond to the first two AT ALL. My being there to "help" her get to sleep stimulated/aggravated her. At the end of the day, she was incapable of soothing herself to sleep, and would wake up at every sleep cycle transition (which sounds like the same thing Asa is doing). We ended up letting her cry, as the Healthy Sleep Habits book talks about. It was really hard to listen to, but she knows how to sleep now and is SO much happier. As for what we do with play time, I totally agree. I feel like I'm boring her and need new material. I play with her toys with her sometimes, or I let her play on a quilt on the ground by herself (I want to encourage her to be independent too). She has one of those activity gyms with the hangy things that start music. She also has a jumperoo, but she's too short for it still. She likes to turn herself around in the seat to look at the different objects on it, though. We go on walks every day, and I carry her in the ergo. She seems to like that because she can see new people, etc. But yeah. I don't want her to get bored, and I feel like I might be boring because she smiles way more when Y or his parents play with her!
Posted by Sara • Stinkerpants on 2011-01-27 18:39:45 I just realized my contact info was incorrect in my post above. Fixed now. Anyways, I'm main issue is play time. I feel I don't do enough to hold his attention. I want to get him one of those Musical Motion Jumpers mainly for me so I don't have to hold him all the time. Am I bad for saying that? I can't wait for him to start crawling and walking so we can so more things together.
Posted by Nat Nat on 2011-01-27 18:32:17 I just got into an argument with Nick because he decided he wanted to "talk" instead of letting me ready your post. I sooo identify with you! Asa is 5 months today and I feel I'm not doing enough and feel so guilty when I do give him a new toy to play with to occupy his time :/ He still only sleeps 2.5 - 3 hrs per night, and cat naps no more than 30 mins during the day. Ive joined a lot of parent groups and that we do that 2 times a week. Can't wait for swimming and the warm weather so we can get put and enjoy nature. It's hard as heck, but I'm so fortunate to have a lot of support, but I don't want to rely too much on that because Asa my responsibility. I need to know what you did in regards to sleep training. I've got the Sears method book, but haven't gotten a chance to read it just yet.
Posted by Nat Nat on 2011-01-27 18:25:46

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